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Teen Dating Violence Tip Card

Teen Dating Violence

Everyone deserves a relationship based on equal love and respect. We have the right to say no to things that make us uncomfortable. We have the right to spend time alone or with other friends. We have the right to choose whether or not we want to stay in a relationship. Dating violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors that are used to control a person in a relationship. Abusive relationships happen when one person doesn't respect the rights and wished of the other person in that relationship.

What Is Abuse?

• Emotional abuse/verbal abuse: putting someone down, making him/her feel crazy, criticizing, name calling
  
• Physical abuse: any physical contact, including: shoving, slapping, biting, hitting
  
• Jealousy and isolation: accusing girlfriend or boyfriend of cheating, controlling who you spend time with
  
• Sexual abuse/sexual assault: unwanted or uncomfortable touching, using someone for sex, forcing sex or pressuring someone to do something s/he does not want to do
  
• Threats/intimidation: using looks or actions to scare someone, smashing or throwing objects, threatening to leave someone in a dangerous place, spreading rumors, etc
  
• Destruction of personal property: tearing up pictures, destroying sentimental objects, hurting pets

What To Do If You're Being Abused

• In an emergency, get to a safe place and call 911
  
• Talk to someone you trust; parents, friends, teacher, counselor
  
• If you think you have been raped or sexually assaulted, call your local sexual assault crisis center of the Statewide Hotline, at 1-800-838-8238.
  
• You may choose to call the police and/or get medical attention.
  
• Seek help from trusted adults to make your own safety plan. Safety plans can be helpful in any dating situation.
  
• Recognize that you are someone who has a right to care and respect. Abuse is never okay, and it is never the victim's fault.

What To Do If You Are Abusing Someone

• Seek help- abusive behaviors are learned, they can also be unlearned.
  
• Admitting that there is a problem is the first step to getting help.
  
• Talk to someone you trust.
  
• You are responsible for your actions- don't blame your behavior on drugs and alcohol.
  
• You can seek help from your local program or the Statewide Hotline at 1-800-838-8238.

What To Do If A Friend Is Being Abused

• Let them know you care.
  
• Listen and believe them.
  
• Share this web page.
  
• Encourage them to get help.
  
• Don't judge or criticize them.
  
• Tell them they are not to blame.
  
• Remind them that the situation will not get better by itself.
  
• Use language that does not make them feel bad. Tell of a personal experience that is similar so they don't feel they are the only one.

Safety Plans

A safety plan is a written plan of what to do to help keep a person as safe as possible. You can memorize your plan.

• Go to places where you feel comfortable and safe.
  
• Let someone know where you are and who you are with.
  
• Always carry a phone number of someone you can call if you feel uncomfortable or are being hurt.
  
• Know other ways to get home, for example: a car, a friend, or even a cab! Know where you can find help.
  
• Call 911 in an emergency, your local domestic violence program, or the Statewide Hotline at 1-800-838-8238.
  
• Let family, friends, and neighbors know a code word, so that you can ask for help without alerting the abusive person.
  
• If you've left an abusive relationship, there are additional steps you can take to jeep yourself safe:
  
  • Vary your schedule
    
  • Take a different way to class, or walk home at a different time
    
  • Walk home with friends
    
  • Avoid eye contact with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Don't hesitate to call police or ask for help
    
  • Talk to your parents about blocking the abuser's phone calls

Web Resources

Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance -- http://www.vsdvalliance.org
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence -- http://www.ncadv.org
RAINN- Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network -- http://www.rainn.org
Advocates for Youth -- http://www.advocatesforyouth.org
Family Violence Prevention Fund -- http://www.fvpf.org

Visit http://www.vahealth.org/civp/pubscivp.asp to view and order tip cards on this and other injury and violence prevention topics.

Talk to someone who can help.
You are not alone!
1-800-838-8238

Information compiled by the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance.